“Well informed sources in Miami announced the imminent fall of Fidel Castro, it was only a matter of hours.” So Eduardo Galeano marks the four-year World Cup beat in his classic Soccer in Sun and Shadow. “Well informed sources in New York announced the imminent improvement of the MetroStars, you’ll see next season.” Quadrennial after quadrennial Castro remains strong. Year after year the MetroStars suck.

What happened this year is what happens every year. The Metros collapsed. Sometimes the collapse is slow and sometimes it’s fast. But it’s always the same. And time and again the collapse seems deserved.

The MetroStars have come to epitomize everything that went wrong with Major League Soccer. They say “MLS is nothing but overly-packaged corporate schlock!” I present you with the MetroMedia All-Stars. (Lest we forget from what the name really originates.) They say “The big names in the league are nothing but washed up Euro-trash on an American vacation.” Can you say Lothar Matthäus? They say “Major League Soccer is run by incompetent corporate goons.” I present you with Charlie Stillitano , John Kluge, Stuart Subotnick, Nick Sakiewicz, and Alexi Lalas. They say “MLS vastly over-values the product they’re putting on the field.” I show you tickets costing a minimum of $26. They say “Major League soccer is a blue collar league suffering under illusions of grandeur.” I bring you The SuperClub.

What’s that I hear? “Well informed sources in Harrison, New Jersey announced the imminent improvement of the MetroStars, just wait until the stadium is finished.” That’s funny. I just read that “Well informed sources in Miami announced the imminent fall of Fidel Castro, it’s only a matter of hours.”

Let’s face it: the MetroStars aren’t a real MLS team. And they’re sure as hell not a model franchise. The MetroStars are a sack of misery in funny shorts.

No stadium alone can change that.